Miss Ds Blog

Archive for December, 2008

I hate Christmas.  Every Christmas is the same (well apart from last Christmas which was totally wicked) but yet again I’m suffering the damn anxiety bought on by far too many chocolates and toffees (totally wacks my blood sugar out) and leaves me a crying, sobbing, worrying wreck.  My mum seems to be losing her memory (possibly dementia) and my real sister (who abandoned us 10 years ago) should be here to help me.  But she’s not.  I’m worrying about my mum far too much – I mean she’s always been a forgetful ol’ coot but now because the blood sugar is too high, I’m worrying excessively to a point where the anxiety is disturbing my sleep (which is the only thing I look forward to because I can cuddle up and zone out) by making me jump out of bed like someone giving me an electric shock (which is truly disturbing in itself).  I just need to feel like me again.  Is this normal to feel like that when you suffer anxiety?  I’m still doing the Linden method (which is ok) but sometimes it feels like it’s all too much trouble.  I need to get back to being me quickly not in 3 months time, but like TOMORROW – isn’t there a pill I can take that will take it all away?  No, just hard work and diversion.  Diversion, diversion, diversion – yes he’s right when he says if you can divert your sub-conscious mind you will feel better, but it’s not as easy as it seems.  I’m forever trying to divert my own attention, but it’s not bloody easy.  It’s hard work.  Mind you, when you feel better you do tend to think, thank heavens I did it because I wouldn’t have got better.  But why does this keep happening to me?  Thinking back, each time I’ve got this anxiety, I’ve also had a period of craving before it, where I go totally out of control eating sweets and chocolate constantly.  Happened in Feb, happened in August and happened again this time.  So conclusion – keep away from the bloody sweets and chocolates!!!!!  We’ll do that from now on and see what happens.  Miss D x x x